Playing for Respect

By David Apostolico

It's natural to want respect. In both our professional and personal lives, respect is something desired by the great majority of us. A few of us may profess to not caring what others think and actually mean it, but for the rest of us, it's important to have earned the respect of family, friends, peers and co-workers. Respect is an end in and of itself. We take satisfaction in having earned that respect.

In fact, most of us have become so accustomed to striving for respect, that it becomes important to get it in all aspects of our life no matter how minor. Think about all of the daily situations in which you seek respect that in hindsight are rather inconsequential. For instance, are you going to feel more pressure playing golf by yourself or in a foursome? Even if you're playing in a foursome, how do you feel when a group of strangers are behind you and are watching you tee off? You may never see these people again, but is there part of you that wants to hit an extra good drive? How do you feel when you make a good shot and no one is watching?

The need for respect is real and pervasive. We want to make a good impression and, for the most part, that's a good thing. The desire to earn respect can propel us to perform at a high level. Yet, how relevant is it at the poker table?

Respect can be a very valuable tool at the poker table, but it is not an end in and of itself. In poker, the bottom line is to win. You should be playing to win and not for respect. This is an important distinction. Because we are so trained to strive for respect in every aspect of our life, that yearning becomes part of our DNA even if it's to our financial detriment.

Certainly, respect at the table can be advantageous. If I have respect at the table, I can use that to my advantage to win. I'll push others off of hands and make timely bluffs. Often, I will do things to cultivate respect so I can take advantage. However, I won't be afraid to do things because I feel I may lose respect. That's a sure fire way to lose.

I recently was in Las Vegas for non-poker business and played a cash game session early one morning. Since I was still on East Coast time, it was about 7:30 am and most of the players hadn't been to bed yet. I was in a suit due to a meeting later that morning and I could tell that the others at the table were eying me up as a happy-for-some-action tourist. I took full advantage of that impression. I wasn't worried about respect. I wanted to win. I tried to see more flops than usual if I could get in cheap enough. I would get away from hands when I didn't hit, yet I knew I was making a loose impression. When I hit my hands, I was easily getting paid off. After about 90 minutes of this, I sensed the others started to "respect" my game. I then switched gears and became more aggressive chasing opponents off of their hands.

The bottom line was that I was not at all concerned with how much respect I was getting. I was only concerned with how the others perceived me and how to best use that to my advantage. I see way too many players so concerned with gaining respect at the table that they make a lot of mistakes. They are afraid to call down a bluff with a marginal hand for fear of showing a loser. Others show their cards when they don't have to and openly discuss their strategy to prove how good a player they are or to justify their actions. Still others criticize when they perceive their opponents making a mistake.

All of these things hurt a player's ability to win. The ironic thing is that it doesn't help them gain any respect, either. It just points out how inexperienced and insecure they are. If you play poker, you should be playing to win. And winners always get respect.

This article was published at an earlier date on PokerPages.com and is being rerun due to popular demand.

About the Author
David Apostolico is the author of numerous poker books including Lessons from the Felt, Machiavellian Poker Strategy, and Tournament Poker and the Art of War. You can contact him at thepokerwriter@comcast.net.